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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23057266">Fragments of a Heart in Sorrow</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamguillotine/pseuds/madamguillotine'>madamguillotine</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dead Poets Society (1989)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>First Kiss, M/M, Neil is bad at feelings, Poetry, but todd is worse, charlie is a feelings sherpa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:53:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,347</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23057266</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamguillotine/pseuds/madamguillotine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When someone starts leaving notes in Neil's new favourite library book, things get a little intense.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Charlie Dalton &amp; Neil Perry, Todd Anderson &amp; Charlie Dalton, Todd Anderson/Neil Perry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>78</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Fragments of a Heart in Sorrow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Neil Perry thumbed through his chemistry text book lazily. It was a warm day, warmer that it was supposed to be in September and he was glad for it. He looked up from his problems to look at Todd Anderson, who was pretending to be busy, buried in his book.</p><p>"I have never been this bored before," Neil said, leaning back in his hair and running a hand through his hair.</p><p>"You could try reading something else for a while, come back to chemistry tomorrow?" he left a non-committal question mark at the end.</p><p>Neil nodded and when to find a book. The book. A book that had slipped though the rigid fingers of the librarian and headmaster. It was an old book with a weathered spine. It was a book with character. It cracked as he opened it to where he'd left off. He left his bookmark in it, confident that he was the only one interested in an old book about old men writing old poetry.</p><p>But this time was something different. When he opened it to the correct page a small slip of paper fluttered down to the ground. Interested in what someone else thought of his dusty old tome, he picked it up and brought it and the book back to the table.</p><p>"Todd?"</p><p>"Yes?" he replied, his hands begun to sweat.</p><p>"Who else knows about this book? it's not even in the catalog." He said examining the paper, "it wasn't here last time I picked it up."</p><p>It was a single sheet of paper folded in half and a confusing note inside</p><p>Dear Man With Glasses,</p><p> </p><p>They cause cacophony</p><p>in the flow of your face.</p><p>The way they let you see</p><p>everything in a space.</p><p> </p><p>The black to go with</p><p>the brown of your eyes.</p><p>Those amber gems that</p><p>see through any disguise.</p><p> </p><p>Signed</p><p>An Admirer</p><p> </p><p>The note was obviously meant for him. His eyes searched the room, as if the culprit would make themselves known, as if it couldn't have been placed there anytime throughout the day. Todd took a sudden interest in the particular problem in his math-book.</p><p>--</p><p>"I did it," Todd leaned back, and watched the plume from Charlie Dalton's cigarette, who held his breath and nodded, letting another billow pour out of his nose and mouth.</p><p>"And? Inquiring minds want to know," he said with a cocky air to his voice, like he already knew the answer.</p><p>"He looked everywhere but at me," Todd stared at his shoes.</p><p>"Really? It <em>didn't </em>work? I'm surprised. Writing a poem. Then <em>not</em> signing it. Then leaving it in a book when he's not looking. The plan sounded <em>foolproof</em>." Charlie rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, smirking. Todd sighed, exasperated. Charlie watched him for a moment, offered him his cigarette, and when it was declined, took another puff.</p><p>"You <em>know</em>, you could <em>sign</em> a poem. He doesn't even know you write them, does he?"</p><p>"They're not very good-"</p><p>"This one better be. It better be the most heartfelt thing you've ever written, if you wanna get his attention. He only like the great ones," he said, smugly</p><p>--</p><p>The next day the same thing. Same book. Same paper. And it looked to be the same typewriter. Except this poem was different,</p><p>Dear Man Who Speaks,</p><p> </p><p>The sweet timber of your voice</p><p>mixes with low, round tones</p><p>and makes a sound that set men to crumble</p><p>deep in their bones.</p><p> </p><p>But there is a lightness there</p><p>and when you laugh</p><p>like the tittering of birds</p><p>like you sing on the wind's behalf</p><p> </p><p>Signed</p><p>An Admirer</p><p> </p><p>Though, it was addressed to someone different, there was so many things that were the same, including the author's sign off, so he counted it as the same person. He slipped the paper into his book so that it wouldn't be noticed, he looked a little more shaken as his eyes darted from face to face but none of them seemed to notice him.</p><p>--</p><p>Todd was once again sitting in a fog of second hand smoke and his own woes.</p><p>"If you want him to notice it's you try something a little more drastic... like <em>telling </em>him it's you. Because you should let him know it's one of those <em>safe</em> stalkers" he prompted, though he knew the suggestion was falling on deaf ears.</p><p>"Do you think he'll recognize my hand writing?" Todd said, instead of listening to Charlie. "Of course he will! He'll know it in a moment! Yes!"</p><p>And Todd wandered out, head full of his own farfetched ideas to listen to Charlie's sensible ones.</p><p>--</p><p>Neil received his two more hand written notes. This shook him. He knew he had to come to someone with this. He knocked on Charlie Dalton's door, who invited him in with a flourish of his arm. Neil sat heavy on his bed. He reached into his bag and pulled out the letters.</p><p>"I'm trusting on your full discretion" He said holding the four pages to his chest.</p><p>"I'm <em>nothing</em> if not discreet" Charlie smirked. Neil handed over the pages. He looked over the first two carefully, and silently. He read the hand written ones aloud:</p><p>Dear Man of Great Concentration,</p><p> </p><p>Brow, furrowed</p><p>lips, pursed</p><p>brain ticking with information</p><p>like it's about to burst</p><p> </p><p>Eyes go dark</p><p>and hair in a muss</p><p>You know the answer</p><p>on this, trust</p><p> </p><p>Signed</p><p>An Admirer</p><p><br/>
 </p><p>"Hm," he grunted, "must be someone you work with very closely." He said trying to drop a hint. Charlie shuffled the pages and read the last one out loud again:</p><p>Dear Man Who Sleeps,</p><p> </p><p>I wish I could step into your dreams</p><p>or make them a reality</p><p>because your face as you rest</p><p>is a thing of great beauty</p><p> </p><p>Your sleeping visage</p><p>and resting eyes</p><p>is aglow in the dark</p><p>when all around are lies</p><p> </p><p>Signed</p><p>An Admirer</p><p> </p><p>"So. It's someone you work closely with. That notices you wear glasses. That listens to you talk a lot and can watch you sleep,"</p><p>"That’s what's so frightening about it!" Neil said in a protesting manner.</p><p>"Not as frightening as my magical powers!" Neil looked at him completely poefaced. Charlie balanced the paper on top of his head, closed his eyes and touched his thumb and middle finger together. "I'm sensing you know this person well. I'm getting a letter. Do you know anyone who's name starts with a... I'm getting the letter T."</p><p>Neil snatched the paper away, "If you're not gonna be serious, why do I even bother?"</p><p>"Don't forget, you came to me. Don't want my divining skills, don't use them," he spoke casually, as he leaned back and watched Neil leave.</p><p>--</p><p>Neil returned to their room, rattled. The first thing his eyes landed on was Todd.</p><p>"I got another letter today. It was about how I look <em>sleeping</em>. This has gone <em>too</em> far. I'm going to take it to Mr. Keating." He sighed.</p><p>"No!" Todd exclaimed, "you can't!"</p><p>Neil looked at him, confusion contorting his face into odd shapes, "This is for <em>your </em>safety as well as mine. He could come after you. What if these are threats?"</p><p>"He won't. I know he won't" he said, trying to comfort and console him. Neil looked at him, sternly.</p><p>"How?"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"How do you know?"</p><p>"I...wha-"<br/>
"This is some <em>joke!</em> Oh my god!" He laughed mirthlessly, "this is a joke between you and Charlie. I don't-how could I have missed it?" he threw his arms in the air, letting the letters scatter themselves about the room as his arms dropped to his sides. "You two have gone too far. I'm asking for a room change-"</p><p>"No! You can't. I-"</p><p>"You what? Tell me why this isn;t a jo-"</p><p>"Because I Love You!" Todd couldn't help but raise his voice. He started as he realized what he had said. "I'll... I'll go."</p><p>"No." Neil looked at him.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"I said 'No'" he smirked.</p><p>That was when Neil grabbed Todd by the necktie and pulled him in tight to him. That kiss was he first time "Hell-ton" felt like home</p>
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